On the morning of the 11th June 2013, whilst standing at the kitchen bench making breakfast (it was a joint effort), my wife turned to me and said something along the lines of “I’ve been thinking about having another baby.” Wow, I wasn’t expecting that one.
We have two wonderful boys but they have both been handfuls. The eldest didn’t sleep through the night until he was over three years old. Instead of getting up and going for a run at 5:30am, I would head back to bed for 2 hours sleep after having done my shift from 2am or 3am. The longest he was sleeping was a few hours and my wife and I took it in turns to
get up and try to get him back to sleep hang out with him. Now at 4 and a half he’s a really good sleeper. He could even represent us in the Olympics if they had sleeping as an event.
The younger of our two boys is a much better sleeper but can still wake in the middle of the night every 10 to 15 nights. But we can go a full 2 weeks without being woken and that’s a pretty good deal when you consider what we went through with the older one.
With the younger one, eating dinner presents some battles, and going in the car can too. Getting out of the car can be just as hard if Daddy tries to get him out when he only wants the mummy, and Mummy can be pushed away many times when he only wants the daddy. An you never know when it’s going to be you that is rejected. It. Just. Happens.
We agreed on having two kids. Before the first one was born, maybe even as far back as in the first few months of our relationship two kids was agreed upon. Whether it was two boys or two girls, or even the blessed pigeon pair; we were only going to have the two. There was no talk about making the typical 2.5 children. There’s no decimals here. Natural numbers only.
Her sister is a few months from having her third. Her cousin who we are very close to also had a third within the last year. And just last week a close friend told her that she’s thinking about having a third. But for me, sticking to our original plan and for the reasons we both brought up to convince ourselves we were doing what is right for us, is the best plan; for us.
I make a modest wage. We have a modest house. It is four bedrooms and an office, but I work from home so the office has to be a full time office and can not double as a guest room. And the fourth bedroom, being our guest room, is one that gets used quite often. We always have someone staying here, and I like that. So losing that room to a third child is not an option for me.
I don’t want to have to fork out the extra money when 2 adult and 2 children gets us a family package deal at events, theme parks and tourist attractions. I don’t want to have to get a bigger car when our mid-sized SUV suits my needs for work and our requirements for it being the family vehicle.
And when the kids gets older and are doing sports or performing arts on the weekend, I can take child X and my wife can take child Y to each of their events and swap the following week. I don’t want to have to juggle things around to include child Z into the equation.
And having two boys also concerns me. I’m not a betting man, but if I was, my bet would be on us getting a third boy as we’d both love dearly to have a daughter too. But I don’t think we’d be that lucky. And having three boys (as opposed to getting that daughter we would want), well, with all those positives that people tell me; “you could have the next Hanson,” “you can still use the hand-me-down clothes for the third,” I just don’t see many positives in it.
I think that parenting two boys is hard enough already on my wife. And whether we have a third son or a daughter to join our overly male flock, I think it will get even harder exponentially. Having two kids isn’t rally twice as hard, but I think having three would make it four or five times harder.
So that’s what I think about the topic. As far as I am concerned, whilst many women say (when finished having children) the baby shop is closed, I’m closing down the manufacturing plant.
When did you know that it was time to say “this family is complete?”