11 Sexist Onesies to Offend a New Dad (and 2 That Are Okay)

With a 5 year old son and an almost 3 year who is every bit a toddler going on a threenager, my wife and I have left the onesie wearing stage well and truly behind (well, putting them on our kids that is). But that toddler of ours still likes to fight us when it’s time to get dressed and my wife is forever yelling out to me “can I get some help to dress the wriggly ferret?”

Maybe because I am stronger, maybe because I am more patient, or maybe it’s because I have a degree in Advanced Infantile Engineering and Mechanics, but I have always seemed to be able to dress the kids from birth up until their late toddler years without needing her help.

Warning; There's a comment that might be considered NSFW so you might want to read this in the privacy of your own home...

And I think that I deserve a medal or some sort of accolade for this as according to popular belief (which my be pronounced as “myth”), dads cannot dress babies. And this is what is being offered up as proof for this myth;

Because dads cannot dress babies without needing instructions, some clever person created this onesie…

dad one pieceNot only can they not work out which of the baby’s limbs go in which hole, dads also have trouble colour coordinating the baby’s clothes…

dad one piece 2Oh look, another instructional onesie…dad one piece 11

And even though I have always been the one to pack a nappy bag way better than my wife (I use to tip everything out before repacking it using a mental check list, and was always prepared for any incident), it seems that dads need a check list on what to bring…dad one piece 9

I don’t have daughters but I’m pretty sure if I did, I would be able to do their hair without it looking bad. I mean, come on, it’s my wife who goes and gets our sons 1970’s Dr Spock style haircuts which is why I have contemplated banning her from taking them to the barber… dad one piece 5

Despite the fact that this has a grammatical error, I often see dads in the baby change rooms changing the nappies without any fuss, and mothers tend to be the ones to make the comments about how they hate changing poo explosions…

dad one piece 8

I’m sure I’m not the only guy who has heard one of these statements and has ended up being a dad nine months later…

“You can come inside me, I’m on the pill, I promise…”

“I’m not in that part of my cycle, so I won’t get pregnant…”

And yet, it would seem the responsibility is solely on that man…

dad one piece 12

When it comes to parents, my guess is it’s always assumed the man is punching above his weight. The dad is very lucky to have been with the mother “in the biblical sense…”

dad one piece 3And yet again…

dad one piece 6

I have often wondered how people would react if I had dressed my kids in a “Jessica Alba is my real mum” onesies. I can hear the cries of the feminists calling for the head of any dad who would dare sexualise an actress, or say something derogatory of their baby’s mother…


Oh look, another one. I bet you could pretty much Google “<insert attractive male celebrity’s name> is my real dad” and you’d find a tshirt, onesie or meme with that on it…

dad one piece 4

The jury is out on this one, but I reckon the dad that is hanging out with his baby who is wearing this one should be getting high fives all round…         dad one piece 14

And again, as this one doesn’t have a little girl with bad hair on it, and it looks rather sparkly, I reckon this would have to be worn by the baby of a dad who is a whiz with the hair…dad one piece 16So have you seen a onesie on a baby or tshirt on a small child that doesn’t seem right? Share it with me. And if you have photos, that would be awesome…

5 thoughts on “11 Sexist Onesies to Offend a New Dad (and 2 That Are Okay)

  1. I used to think the, “you can do this dad,” one was endearing. I LOATHE onesies. I’d just as soon duct tape them to my daughter’s chest and call it a day then go through the rubies cube of holes and snaps. I didn’t understand the backlash. Now that I see an entire dad bashing industry and so much humorless piling on it DOES get old, fast. I like what I find funny. I like the humor in pointing out my faults and their universality. But some of those up there aren’t even funny. For shame.

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