The Best Invention A Modern Active Father Needs – The Daddyband™

Recently a father that I know was out with his child and a mother thought that something dodgy was going on so she called the police who came and questioned him after separating him from his son.

Luckily as one of the police officers walked off questioning him whilst the other stayed with his child, a mother from the child’s preschool wondered what was going on and went over the the cop with the child and asked why the father was being separated from his son. That resolved the issue, but the thing is, this embarrassment or shame should not be brought upon fathers who are out with their children.

I have written about it before, so have many of my fellow Dad Bloggers; often we are out at the park, at the swimming pool, at sporting events, and the movies and the evil eyes from over zealous mothers are staring straight at us, wondering why we are hanging around kids, waiting for us to pounce and kidnap the children (in broad daylight I might add), or worse still, abuse the kids in situ.

But I have a solution.

Early in the last summer in Australia, Wet ‘n’ Wild Sydney opened up. We got season passes for my wife and I and our eldest son (the toddler doesn’t need a pass as he is free entry). The passes were in the form of rubber wristbands that fit tightly over our wrists allowing us to gain entry, load them up with money for cashless purchases at the kiosks and cafes, and if we wanted to, purchase alternative colours to the standard blue ones so as to customise our “experience.”

This got me thinking. What if there was a permanent wristband that dads can wear that their kids can also wear when they are out and about together. This would make life so much easier.daddyband The wristbands would look like the ones in the picture  and would contain a code that connects them together.

Of course, any dodgy man could simply buy one of the Daddybands and slip a matching Kiddyband on a child he is abducting, so there needs to be a way still to prove that the child is his. So using an iOS, Android or WIndows Phone App (yes, we will be catering for even that platform), busybody mothers can simply scan the dad’s band and cross reference the child’s one with a photo of the father and their child in the Daddyband™ database.

At public parks and swimming pools, plus on all the popular beaches around the world there will be permanent scan posts so that a mother who has her suspicions can simply ask the man to go over and scan his wristband, scan that of the kids, and then a photo of the father and kids belonging to that wristband will be displayed on a screen so that the mother doesn’t have to worry about getting her mobile phone out.

If by chance the father has shaved his beard, or grown one, grown his hair or had it cut differently, or changed his physical appearance in any way so that it makes it hard to tell if it is him, the phone number of the mother of the children will be displayed on the prying mother’s phone (if using the app) or on the screen in the park or beach, and the accusing mother can call another woman to speak to so that this gets resolved.

But this sounds expensive I hear you say. Oh, don’t worry. All of the charges will find their way to the dad’s account where he will be billed monthly. The mothers can download the app for free, but when it is used to scan, the accused paedophile father will be charged for the service. If he is proven to be innocent, simply spending time with his own kids, a 50% discount will be applied, but the charge will always go against the father so as to not prevent mothers from wanting to scan the man’s wristband because she will incur charges.

Is this unfair to the dads? Clearly not. What price would you pay for the safety of your children? Endless amounts I am sure. The dads will appreciate this service and they will enjoy opening the snail-mail or emailed invoice to them, knowing that they have contributed to the world’s finest security system to protect children from those evil men that hang around where innocent children are trying to play.

Each Daddybands will cost approximately $299.00 up front (including any local taxes or charges) whilst the matching Kiddybands™ will be $199.00 for the first child, $179.00 for the second child, and then $139.00 for any subsequent children.

Registration will be a further $79.95 for the initial set-up and an ongoing fee of $49.95 per annum will mean that the father will have access to the database to update the photos of his children.

A 48 hour clearance will be in force so that the man cannot simply take a photo of the child he is intending on abducting or abusing and uploading it immediately. If the father is going to be taking friend’s or family’s kids out alone, this should be arranged 48 hours in advance so that photos of these children can be uploaded as well. A processing fee of $39.95 for non biological children will apply.

For many of the men reading this, this all sounds like a lot of money I hear you say. But what price can you put on your children’s safety? You can’t.

To find out more, please click on this link;

http://www.daddyband_antipaedophile_wristbands.com

10 thoughts on “The Best Invention A Modern Active Father Needs – The Daddyband™

  1. I hope I’m not the only one who clicks the link….

    The other solution is to just go out wearing a baby in a baby carrier. It’s like you go from being a potentially shady abuser/rapist to the Messiah instantaneously.

    But then again you could have STOLLEN THE BABY!

    Well done (again) Darrell!

  2. Interesting, whenever I’m out with my kids most mothers don’t have to wonder if they are mine due to them constantly calling me dad and asking if they can have some money..

  3. I spent the entire time reading this waiting for you to throw out the punch line. Then I realized the whole thing WAS the humor.
    It was actually scary reading it, and for a minute I thought I misjudged you after thinking all this time that you and I shared common beliefs when it comes to the discrimination of the male sex.
    Then I found an even newer amount of respect for your writing skills. Not since Orson Wells has there been something that scared men upon hearing it.

  4. Wow. This is brilliantly terrifying. Or terrifyingly brilliant. My first thought was also to 1984 and Big Brother. What’s really scary is that some people won’t see the humor in this and might start to justify it for even one second. Which is one second too long.

    Can you imagine the outrage by women’s groups if they were treated with the same distrust and malice as some dads that dare take their own kids out in public?

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