How To Freak Out Secular Parents

At dinner we sit around the table talking about three things that happened to each of us in our day focusing on positive experiences. We’ve been doing something similar but non structured for a while but we recently had a friend and her kids over for dinner and she asked if they could do their ritual which was tell everyone a bad thing that happened, and then one good thing. Her son preferred just to say good things, which is fine by me and also my wife, so we then adopted the three good things policy and it’s been in place for just on two weeks tonight.

Master Five got to go first today (like most days) and went through his list of good things that happened. He told us the three friends who he plays with almost everyday played nicely with him again today; four school buddies all together playing in harmony. All three boys that he mentioned are in his class and it stands to reason that he would become close with other kids from the group he spends most of the day with.

But having learned some news today whilst picking him up from school, I thought I would ask about another boy he knows from another class in his year…

(Names and details changed for privacy)

Me “What about Leonard? Do you ever play with him?”

My Wife “Leonard? Who is that? I don’t know him.”

Me (to her) “Oh, you don’t know Leonard? Seems you don’t take an interest in our son’s life…”

We occasionally make digs at each other like that.

Master Five “Leonard is from class KX. But he is also in my scripture class.”

As much as I hate him using the term “scripture” for the class that he attends whilst the religious children (or Cultural Christians) attend an actual scripture class, the school uses it as an umbrella term for this period of learning (or indoctrination). His class is based more on ethics and morals without the mythology, fantasy, fire and brimstone.

My Wife “What do you kids learn about in scripture?”

Master Five “Well we have this big book the teacher is reading from. You might know it…”

I looked at my wife. She looked back at me. We didn’t say anything to each other but we both knew what each other were thinking.

Master Five “The book is call the B”

I have to admit I was feeling a little clammy because we signed the form that said non-religious and no scripture and yet he was having a teacher read from the big book…

Master Five “FG.”

My Wife “Yes I know the BFG.”

Me “Roald Dahl. Yes, I read that when I was younger.”TheBFG

Thank God it wasn’t the Bible…

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