I remember the day we found out that our second child was going to be another boy. After leaving the sonographer’s office the first person we called was my father. I remember dialling his number and listening to the dial tone on my phone’s loud speaker as we drove home in my car. And then he picked up…
“Dad, we’re having another boy.”
“That’s wonderful news. Now you have two boys to carry on the family name…”
The only thing was, we weren’t as excited about having another boy as he was. Don’t get me wrong, I love my second son so very, very much, but there are times when I really wish that, seeing that we’re stopping at two children as I mentioned in my post …and Maggie Makes Three, it would have been great to get that pigeon pair.
Of course you will find other writers with stories about why having two or three or even more children all of the same gender, and why they are not phased about it in the slightest, but as I was folding up baskets of washing the other day, I reached for my phone and created a draft for this.
And so that that end, here are the Nine Reasons Why I Wish I Had A Son and A Daughter…
1. No more mixing up whose clothes are whose when putting away the laundry
As I mentioned above, this was the catalyst for this story. You see, even though our boys are two years and eight months apart, and even though our older one wears anywhere from size six down to size four clothing and our younger one wears anything from size four down to size size two (who makes up these sizes, really?), it can be hard to tell the difference between a pair of 5-6 underwear and 3-4 underwear, especially once the tag has faded. Of course, we normally discover that my wife or I have put the larger size in the younger one’s drawers or vice versa when the kids are getting dressed.
Even though we benefit so much from the bulk of our youngest son’s wardrobe being hand-me-down clothes from his older brother, I’d be happy to have that extra expense just so I could make the laundry sorting easier;
“That tee is for the boy, that dress is for the girl… “
2. It will stop people asking of we’re going to have another baby.
Having two boys means that we always get asked;
“Are you going to go for a third?”
which is code for
“Are you going to try for a girl?”
Of course, some people are more direct and simply ask “so, are you going to try for a girl?” and it leaves no ambiguity in the question, but you know that if the question about an additional child is asked to parents of multiple children where they are all the same gender, you know what’s truly being asked…
3. It means that I won’t get those negative comments “you’d think differently if you had a daughter…”
Recently we were on holidays with friends who have two daughters, ages six and five, followed by a son who is not yet three. The other dad and I were in a surf clothing store as he was looking for some new thongs (that’s flip-flops for those outside Australia) and I was looking for a new jacket. As we walked to the back of the store I pointed to a jacket sitting on a hanger and mentioned to him that I thought it was great.
“I like this one…” I said.
“You’d think different if you had a daughter…” came his reply.
I stopped and took a step backwards as I had already walked past the jacket. What I didn’t notice, but he had, was that inside the jacket on the front of the rack was a t-shirt with a print of a semi-clad woman in a sexually suggestive position. I truly was talking only about the jacket, but his comment is one that I get from dads who have daughters. And, if I DID have a daughter, I probably WOULD think differently. But having said that, since becoming a parent, and spending much of my time conversing with other parents, I already do think differently to how I thought when I was a young and care-free lad.
4. They aren’t his toys, and they’re not hers; they’re their toys
I’ve written about it a few times before. I’ve mentioned how our youngest son has asked for toys that are marketed to girls in my post There’s Toys For Boys and Toys For Girls, and Then There’s Toys For Us and even last Christmas he asked for a make up table and handbag set because he wants to be a hair dresser, and the handbag came with a Peppa Pig mobile phone which he really wanted. Some people think it’s strange when they see toys for girls in our house seeing that we only have boys, and if we had a daughter as well as a son or sons, then no one would think anything of it.
5. There would be less fighting between children of the opposite sex, right?
Brothers fight. My brother and I was always fighting. Sisters fight. Sisters always accuse each other of taking each other’s clothes and hair brushes (although my knowledge of this might be based on episodes of the Brady Bunch and Full House, so there’s little real research done there), but a brother and sister, they’d get on happily always. They’d have to, wouldn’t they?
6. We could use that girl’s name that we came up with…
In case you didn’t click on my story about the “discussion” between my wife and I when I reminded her that we agreed to stop at two children, in that story I mentioned via the “missing child” photo that I created that our daughter was to be named Astrid. The funny thing is, it was the girl’s name that we came up with first before our first son was born. While we had somewhere between four and six names on the list before both sons were born, if either of them was born a girl, her name would have been Astrid.
7. I could teach my son to connect better with girls, and my daughter to connect better with boys…
With my wife’s sister having three daughters, my wife’s cousin also having three daughters, and my brother having a daughter, our boys have cousins and second-cousins the same age that they get on with really well. I think it’s great having children of different genders getting on so well and as they grow, our sons will start to learn more about interacting with tween girls and then teenage girls because of their friendship with girls in our extended family. Growing up it was just my my brother and I. We were our parents’ only children, and living in a foreign land to where the rest of our extended family lived meant that we didn’t have any girl cousins to interact with.
8. It would confirm what people tell us; “if you had a daughter, she’s be gorgeous…”
How do I put this? While both our son’s are handsome (although I might be biased), our first born son has the gorgeous blue eyes, pouting lips and eye lashes that go on forever that always had people telling my wife and I that if we did have a daughter, she would be gorgeous. She’s also be super smart. Don’t get me wrong, just because she would be better looking than Kristina Pimenova, the young “super model” that graced the world’s media outlets last year with her title of “world’s most beautiful girl” doesn’t mean that we’d be holding her up to the scrutiny that this young girl faced.
Still, as my wife just said when she saw me upload this photo and I told her that I’m writing about how our daughter would be more gorgeous than Kristina…
“Oh God, yes. Our daughter would be so beautiful…”
9. It would give me more things to write about
Whether it’s about how my daughter could be anything she wishes to be, or how we are going to take on the world together and fight for her rights, and create a world where she would never have to wish for equality as girls would be equal with boys, and women would be equal with men, I am in awe of those fellow dad bloggers who write about making this world a better place for their daughters.
One in particular is Simon from Man vs. Pink who describes himself as a stay-at-home dad blogger who loves his daughter but hates pinkification. Check out his site. It’s definitely worth the read.
I could easily add a tenth reason, which is that it would have given me a different family dynamic as my own family consisted of my mum, dad, my older brother and I, but because of the knowledge that I had of how our family worked, and more importantly, what didn’t work, that had given me the fodder that I need to make our own family of two boys work. Sure, it doesn’t always go to plan. Well it hardly goes to plan, but when it does, when everything is going smooth in our house, I like to think that it’s because I made that happen.
So what’s your family made up of? Do you have a boy and a girl? Do you have children of only one gender? Did you have more kids than you anticipated because you tried for one of the pink or blue ones?