Should Dads Buy The Mother of Their Children a Mother’s Day Gift?

It’s the age old question many a dad has asked; should I buy my wife a Mother’s Day gift? Google Search confirms this…

Should I buy my wife a mother's day gift?
Should I buy my wife a mother’s day gift?

Now before I go on, let’s not assume that every new mum and dad are married because my wife and I certainly weren’t when our first was born. From this point on I’m going to refer to the person being the recipient of additional love on Mother’s Day as “significant other,” or the “mother of your child.”

Of course, the question of whether to buy the mother of your child a gift after she’s had the baby seems to be the more popular question according to Google Search, but I’m not getting into that debate right now. But there’s plenty of other Dad Bloggers who have written about that topic. So then, back to the question at hand; should the father buy the mother of his child/ren and his significant other a Mother’s Day gift? Before I answer that let me tell you about the Mother’s Days that my own dear wife has had and what I did for her on those days.

Mother’s Day 2009

The Mother's Day Google Doodle in 2009
Mother’s Day Google Doodle in 2009

The first Mother’s Day that my wife got to celebrate was Sunday, 10th May 2009. As our first born was six months old I am sure that I went out and bought her the Mother’s Day card and knowing me, I would have gotten her flowers at the very least. I suspect that I bought her a gift as well, but in the absence of either of us posting about it on Facebook, I can’t state this as fact.

Mother’s Day 2010

Mother's Day Google Doodle 2010
Mother’s Day Google Doodle 2010

On her second Mother’s Day, we spent the morning walking around Parramatta Park as a participant in the Mother’s Day Classic 2010. The Mother’s Day Classic is a national fun run and walk that raises funds for breast cancer research, held annually on Mother’s Day in over 50 locations around Australia. Our participation in this event was suggested by my brother as our own mother had died at the end of 2009. Our first born was 18 months old so once again I am sure that I bought her a card on his behalf and again I’m sure that flowers and/or a gift was purchased for her on his behalf.

Mother’s Day 2011

Mother's Day Google Doodle 2011
Mother’s Day Google Doodle 2011

On her third Mother’s Day in 2011 we spent five hours going around furniture stores looking for the new lounge suite for the house we were moving into at the end of the month. My wife was seven months pregnant with our second child. Our first born was attending Family Day Care and he made Mummy a gift there.

Mother’s Day 2012

Her fourth Mother’s Day in 2012, and her first as the mother of two kids was celebrated at her aunt’s property two hours west of Sydney with her own mother, her aunt and uncle, a few cousins and partners, her sister and her family and her brother. This was the last Mother’s Day that we spent with my wife’s mother as she died exactly a month to the day after this family gathering. I guess in hindsight, having spent that day together with family and seeing her mum enjoying herself and smiling in all the photos could be considered a gift in itself, but I’m sure that our first born made a gift at preschool at the very least.

Mother’s Day 2013

Her fifth Mother’s Day in 2013 was spent halfway between our home in Sydney and her sister’s home in Newcastle. We spent the day in the sun running around a place called Mt Penang Gardens. That morning, before she was awake, and well before we headed up the coast for the day, I went up to our local shopping centre at 7am and bought her a bunch of flowers. Our first born was a preschool and our youngest was at Family Day Care and again I am fairly certain that both made something for Mummy at their respective childcare venues.

The flowers Cadel claims he "chose" for Gen. At 7am this morning I lined up by myself with about a dozen other fathers getting to flowers for their wives. I was going to take Keanu but he actually slept in this morning.
The flowers our first born claims he “chose” for Mummy. At 7am that morning I lined up by myself with about a dozen other fathers getting to flowers for their significant others. I was going to take youngest but he actually slept in this morning.

Mother’s Day 2014

Mother's Day Google Doodle 2014
Mother’s Day Google Doodle 2014

Her sixth Mother’s Day in 2014 was spent just her and the boys as I was in Germany for three weeks for work. Before I left I purchased a fluffy pink woollen jumper from Epirit which she wasn’t supposed to open until the day, but she ended up opening the day before I left which was almost two weeks before Mother’s Day. Our first born was in his first year at big school (kindergarten) and he bought her a trinket (read: random item) from the Mother’s Day stall that our P&C organised. And I am sure that once again the youngest made something random for Mummy at preschool.

And that brings us to this year. So what will she be getting from me? Now I have had discussions in a few groups on Facebook over the last week or so and the general consensus is (and this was mostly from mothers) that seeing that both of our boys are at school or preschool, the gifts that they make or buy at Mother’s Day stall should be enough, and maybe something small from me. Other mothers mentioned that they would really love the day off, or even the weekend for that matter. I guess for them this Mother’s Day meme rings true…

mum meme 1But it’s not like that in our household as I’ve mentioned many times before. I cook dinner every night. I pack the dishwasher afterwards. I do breakfast for the boys each morning, and some mornings for my wife too now that it’s heading into those cooler mornings where only a hot bowl of porridge will do. So in our house, there’s not need for those advertisements from KFC and various pizza joints that each and every year run a Mother’s Day campaign stating that you can “give mum the night off.” Why, just like this tweet from KFC I have embedded below…

But as she’s the mother of my children, and I guess because us dads really owe the mothers BIG TIME for that whole “extreme pain during childbirth that you’ll never understand” episode, surely I have to do something for her.

My wife decided a few months back that instead of buying expensive birthday cards for everyone, she would get the boys to make cards. At first she was taking a piece of A4 paper from the printer in our home office and folding it in half, but to me, that seems a little too cheap. So I went to our local craft store that specialises in card making materials and I bought a 10 pack of A5 white card which is strong enough to be worthy to make a card from, but flexible enough to run through the printer.

So this year, I’m really organised. I jumped on the computer and picked out a photo of the boys where both of them are smiling and looking at the camera (that’s rare). Then I opened up Microsoft Word (you don’t need an expensive graphic design programme to do this) and I made this design.

Mother's Day Card Template

Then I folded it ready for the boys to write in it (well, the six year old at least) and draw Mummy a picture (or a scribble in the case of our three year old).

Homemade Mother's Day Card 2
I don’t know why they chose to wear Santa hats whilst writing in Mummy’s Mother’s Day card, but who am I to question these random kids of mine?

And the end result is, I get to do my fatherly duty of encouraging the boys to do some art and craft, or simply just write on the card, and seeing that’s something my wife treasures dearly, then my work here is done.

Homemade Mother's Day Card
The “finished” card just before the boys wrote and drew on it.

But have I answered your question? Should the dad buy the mum a Mother’s Day gift? During one of the discussions, one of the mothers I was talking to asked me this;

“What do you get for father’s day Darrell? My husband normally gets socks and jocks. And something made by the kids.”

And that’s about the most that I get for Father’s Day. And that’s really all I need. But I have been thinking about this long and hard because I really want this to be a useful resource, and this is what I came up with.

Although I am cynical about using hyperbole in certain areas of my life, I firmly believe that there’s nothing worse than having high hopes for what you would like to receive and then having those dreams quashed by the disappointment of receiving much less than expected. So here’s my advice to all the mothers of the world, and fathers can take heed of this too; discuss your expectations with your significant other.

  • If you’re the type of person who expects breakfast in bed followed by the morning to laze around catching up on some reading, or taking a long hot bath.
  • If you’re also the type of person who wants to be pampered throughout the day, and taken to lunch.
  • If you are the type of person who hopes to receive a big bunch of flowers and a gift off of your children’s father, not just them.
  • And if you’re the type of person who want to end the  day with dinner cooked by someone else, be taken out for dinner as well, or simply have some takeaway food…

Then. Just. Say. So.

Don’t leave your partner guessing. Don’t put expectations on a guy who you otherwise wouldn’t have great expectations from.

And guys, it would not hurt to ask the mother of your children what her expectations are.

It. Is. That. Simple.

And remember, whether it’s Father’s Day the following month (as it is in most of the world), or later in the year as it is in Australia, (why is that? We really need to fix that as I wrote about last year) whatever the expectations that your significant other put on you to buy a gift, you can expect that same in return. And maybe something else a little bit special that’s not from the kids…

So what do you expect your partner to get you for Mother’s Day or Father’s Day? Do you just do something from the kids, or is their an expectation that a bigger gift is given from the other parent?

4 thoughts on “Should Dads Buy The Mother of Their Children a Mother’s Day Gift?

  1. This gets even trickier if you are divorced. I had to bite my tongue in half buying a set of earrings my daughter absolutely loved and wanted to get her mom/mum for Mother’s Day.

    1. I always make sure the children have something for their Dad (my ex) for Father’s Day. Ditto for his birthday & Christmas. The same cannot be said for him, in fact, it got back to me that he said (when asked if he would be taking the kids shopping for Mother’s Day) “Fuck that. I’m not spending my money on that bitch.”

      (It’s worth noting that he left me because being a parent was too much & he wanted his life back but then after 6 months of partying & sleeping around he wanted us to come home to him & when I refused I suddenly became the biggest bitch in the world for denying him a life with his children).

  2. Before my ex husband was remarried I tried to make sure the kids had, at very least, a card for him at Father’s Day (and other special recognition days). The favor was never returned. As a mother without a significant other, that really sucked. I don’t expect a lot but some acknowledgement would be nice and kids don’t always take that initiative on their own.

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