The other day a mate took a photo on his phone and sent it to my phone. He was doing the grocery shopping with his two sons when he spied the end of one of the grocery store’s aisles filled with Star Wars branded bubble bath, soaps, shampoos and hair conditioner, squirting loofas, hand-wash, tooth brushes and dental hygiene tidy gift sets.
Over the last weekend I took a walk with my own boys through one of the major department stores to see if we could find the most random Star Wars branded items. As we turned to our right the first department we arrived at was the bedding and home furnishing and we saw throw cushions, quilt covers, “throw” style blankets, and beach towels. Across from that department is the dining and cooking section where we saw Star Wars branded coffee mugs, drink bottles, lunchboxes, plates and cups.
As we continued along we reached the new party store that opened earlier this year within this department store. There were Star Wars branded party plates, cups, pointless cheap trinkets to put in the party bags, and the party bags themselves, banners, table clothes, piñatas, and of course, invitations. In this section they also had the dress up costumes for both children and adults.
All of these items are to be expected. None of these are out of the ordinary to complement toylines from movies, especially those movies aimed at children. And of course if we had turned to the left as we entered this store we would have gone past all of the clothing departments where the obligatory and customary movie inspired merchandise apparel can be found before making our way to the toy department where we would have seen the various Star Wars toylines. (Actually, we did end up there looking at the latest Star Wars toys released, but you knew that we would have, right?)
Besides all of those regular items that get released as part of the marketing and merchandising blitz, there already has been a few unusual Star Wars branded merchandise released to the market. The Star Wars lipstick by Covergirl was a little left field, but I know a few ladies that love the franchise and who wear make up, so it’s great that they have a product line marketed at them. And then there is the Star Wars toasters that are shaped like Darth Vader’s helmet and “burn” the Star Wars logo on one side and Darth Vader’s head on the other as they toast your bread.
And while I’m sure that there are some things that I have missed, I know that there are plenty more Star Wars branded items that are not on the market and they should be.
1. The Star Wars Branded Ryobi Drill –
This drill is based on Han Solo’s Original Trilogy Blaster. I nominated Ryobi as the manufacturer of this just because I would love to see the television advertisement where the man using the drill says “help me Obi-Wan Ryobi, you’re our only hope.”
2. The Star Wars Branded Robotic Vacuum Cleaner
I wish my graphic design skills or the program I use were better. I tried to find an iRobot and the Millennium Falcon that were on the exact same angle to merge them into the one graphic, but you can see that this would be an awesome design for a robotic vacuum cleaner because the front “prongs” of the legendary star-ship would be able to reach those hard to get to spots. And the best thing is, you’ll be able to clean your entire house in less than twelve parsecs.
3. The Star Wars Branded Car
I’m not the first person to think it, and if you go to Google and type in “cars that look like Stormtroopers” you can see many cars that are on the road now that have the fronts or backs that resemble the Stormtroopers’ helmets, or the Clone Troopers ones as well. Although Hotwheels teamed up with Dodge and customised some of their Chargers to resemble the troopers even more, no car manufacturer has teamed up with Star Wars to produce a Star Wars model. It wouldn’t have to be shaped like one of the vehicles or even more like a Stormtrooper’s helmet, but a Star Wars badged model with Star Wars decal would be very popular.
4. The Star Wars Branded Musical Keyboard
Of all the items that I thought of for this list, this is a product that I really would love to have for myself. Along with all the sounds that musical keyboard manufacturers already include with all modern day electronic keyboards, this product would have samples of the the lightsaber powering up, humming, and the sound made by them clashing together, the sound of laser blasters and laser canons firing, the growl of Chewbacca, R2-D2’s beeps, sweeps and creeps (Spacecballs fans will get that), the sound of Darth Vader breathing, and the sound of the various star-ships and other vehicles.
Many keyboards designed for home use, especially for beginners come preloaded with popular songs to play along to, and some even have a feature whereby a note by note tutorial is shown on the LCD screen to teach you how to play the song. For this Star Wars branded musical keyboard, it would be a must that it is preloaded with all the themes written by the wonderful John Williams as heard in the first six movies so far. And seeing that all keyboards come equipped with MIDI connections, the ability to download the new themes that we’ll be hearing in Episode VII: The Force Awakens and beyond would be expected.
5. The Star Wars Branded Steam Iron
With its pointy front end, the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer is the perfect shape for getting between pleats and buttons, and, despite what the former prime minister of Australia thinks about housewives being the only ones to love doing the ironing, get this as a gift for the man of the house on Father’s Day, his birthday or from Santa at Christmas time and he’ll be searching out all the rebel scum – or creased shirts and pants – and he’ll take care of them. Very good care of them indeed.
6. The Star Wars Branded Hover Lawn Mower
If you’re going to release a Star Wars branded lawn mower it has to be high-tech and the hover style lawn mower is a perfect match for this product. Based on Luke Skywalker’s Land Speeder from the 1977 original film, you’ll be floating over the grass and cutting it down to size like an army of Stormtroopers on Endor.
7. The Star Wars Branded Industrial Vacuum Pump
I know that this would have a limited market, but when you look at the shape of some of the industrial vacuum pumps on the market, like this VTLF 2.250 model from Becker Pumps, they look like they could be part of the Imperial Fleet of Star Destroyers or one of the star-ships used by the Rebel Alliance.
Now I am sure that I have left off something that you would love to have with the Star Wars branding on it and you can feel free to comment below. What do you want with a Star Wars branding on it?