Sadly, as I live in Australia I can’t vote for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential Election, but if I could vote for him, here are some reasons why I would…
And why I think you should too if you are eligible to vote in the coming election.
Trumpisms May Trump Bushisms
Good old Wikipedia defines the word Bushism as;
“unconventional words, phrases, pronunciations, malapropisms, and semantic or linguistic errors in the public speaking of former President of the United States George W. Bush”
My favourite Bushism has to be this one…
If you can’t watch that video, George W. says;
“There’s an old saying in Tennessee—I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, ‘Fool me once, shame on…shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.'”
Now I know that there are actually people in Texas who can say the idiom correctly as one of his fellow Texans LeAnn Rimes sings in her 2002 single Life Goes On;
“Baby shame on you, if you fool me once,
Shame on me if you fool me twice…
But if you thought Bushisms were good, wait until Trump becomes president. If you think he’s saying wacky shit now, just wait until he has to give an inauguration speech or address Congress…
Late Night Television Talk Shows
For me, and I would suggest many other people, I was able to witness these Bushisms along with many funny slapstick moments in his presidency by watching shows such as The Late Show With David Letterman, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Late Night with Conan O’Brien, The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn and then The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson, and Real Time with Bill Maher to name more than a few.
Some of these shows have changed hosts late in his second term, while others have been revamped or reimagined as the Jimmys (Kimmel and Fallon) have moved networks or timeslots or cities or… well, things are just different, okay. And sure there are plenty of funny moments on all of these shows, but what I really miss, and have done in the last eight years whilst Barrack “Bazza” Obama has been in office, has been the Top Ten idiotic moments by the American President.
Bazza just hasn’t produced the cringe-worthy laughter that George Dubya had, like these ones collated by David Letterman’s team;
If you you want to make late night television great again, you MUST vote for Trump.
Make America Great Again
Speaking of making things great again, Trump will do just that. He WILL make America great again. And it’s about time. I say this as a non-American who spent about four hours on a stopover in Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport back in 1988 en route to London, England, and as someone who spent a just over a week in San Francisco in February 2015;
“I’m sorry America, but I think that my trip to your country in 2015 under the Obama Regime where I toured some of your historical sites, attended a conference and met some of my peers, and I wined and dined at some of your restaurants presented your country as a crap place to visit compared to the four hours I spent there in 1988 under the Bush Senior Government in the transit lounge where I bought a packet of Lays and a Jolt Cola.”
It’s true. America was great when you could buy a Jolt Cola before Obama’s crap style of government forced The Jolt Company, Inc. to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 2009. I mean, come on America… Jolt has twice the caffeine, twice the sugar, twice the energy, and twice the kick. Granted my doctor told me that I should probably lay off that much sugar and caffeine, but he doesn’t get it. That was what made America great; twice the food ingredients that can kill you.
When Trump becomes president I hope he convinces the Australian Government to have tax free imports on American made Jolt Cola.
We Will Finally Get To See The Aliens
As a “Vaccines Cause Autism” believer, I expect that Mr Trump is also a card carrying member of other conspiracy theorist groups. And I know that, come the week after he’s sworn into office, President Trump will march into Hangar 18 in Area 51 and show us the UFO that landed at Roswell.
Unlike all the presidents and other highly ranked government official before him including Baz Obama, Donald J Trump IS NOT a shape shifting Reptilian or Lizard Person even though his weird eyes and mouth would suggest otherwise.
We Will Learn All The Secrets
Speaking of his facial orifices, Trump has a big mouth. A very big mouth. One that he never seems to be able to shut. I don’t believe that his mouth and brain are connected so those sections of the brain, the ones where you and I would keep trade secrets, or store levels of diplomacy and decorum will just not be working, and therefore all of America’s secrets will be blurted out.
It will be a free-for-all as we learn about life inside the Oval Office and who the hottest members of the Republican Congress are, and which one Donald would be dating if he wasn’t already married and there wasn’t a conflict around the office. And who knows, the way they Trump loves women, we might get another scandal whereby the president propositions a gorgeous young intern in a blue dress. The main difference being of course, it will be Trump who will spill the beans on this.
…and possibly the intern denying that SHE didn’t have sexual relations with him… even if she did.
Make The Rest Of The World Great Again
Although most countries in the rest of the world have their own movie and music industries, Hollywood made movies and American produced music make it to foreign shores at a greater rate and have a far greater impact on Americanising local cultures than how our movies and music find their way into the cinemas and stereos of American citizens.
Once Trump is president you can forget about Hollywood making blockbusters and musicians making hit albums; under the Trump Reich all these artists will be forced to make propaganda material to tell the world just how great America is… again. The charts will be dominated by cool tracks like this…
And yes, that song IS heaps better than Rebecca Black’s song Friday.
So while the American movie and music studios will be churning out more crap like this, Australians can start listening to great Australian music again, and watching Australian movies such as the post-apocalyptic epic Mad Max: Fury Road, which may just give us a head start on how society will be after…
Donald J Trump’s World War III™
Donald Trump said, in relation to ISIS;
“I would bomb the SHIT out of ’em!”
Sure there are many who would love terrorism to come to an end, and yes, it IS fair to say that the vast majority of terrorism IS caused by Islamic extremists, who, by all factual reports are a small minority of the world’s entire Muslim population, but the way that Trump uses his, as the Pope put it, “non-Christian” brand of Christianity to promote hatred towards the Muslim world, he is fast tracking further terrorism and militant groups that one day may be backed by people and organisations within Islamic countries that actually wield some power.
With bans on Muslims entering the United States, the threat of trade sanctions against Middle Eastern countries and a mouth that just won’t quit about how Christians are better than Muslims, you know that another September 11 is on its way, and President Trump WILL bring out the nuclear weapons and bomb the shit out of these countries.
Why is that a positive reason for voting for Donald Trump? Well, I’m sure Australian Director George Miller would be happy to take home the Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature for his next post-apocalyptic film.
I don’t know a lot about the United States, Americans, or their politics, but I do know is this; voting for Donald J Trump for president won’t give America the president that they need, but for being so stupid, it will give them the president that they deserve.
If you want to read more Bushisms, click on this link.