Today is my 42nd birthday. I am forty-freakin-two. There, I’ve said it.
42 is an interesting number. Then again, all numbers are interesting numbers. (Note: I like numbers). In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams, over a period of 7.5million years the supercomputer Deep Thought suggested that 42 is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything. Of course that’s meaningless. Frivolous. Pointless.
But here I am on my 42nd birthday, sitting alone in my home office having lunch and writing down some quick thoughts.
Today, this very day, on my 42nd birthday, something has come over me that makes me feel like this is a turning point in my life.
Today, I feel old.
Maybe it’s the fact that I have a splitting headache, one that I didn’t have immediately upon waking up, but one that came on suddenly not long after.
Maybe it’s the fact that I have a four year old son just a few months away from his fifth birthday who is acting like a two year old with tantrum after tantrum, never doing what he’s told, and waking every other night in the wee hours of the morning and jumping into bed with me, often keeping me awake for most of the night thereafter.
Maybe it’s the fact that our seven year old is growing up so quickly and becoming his own self. He is becoming a product of outside influences faster than my eyes can blink, and I can see rapid development in his thought processes which remind me of my own self at his age. But, I really have to think hard about that. Certain things from my childhood are fast becoming a distant memory.
Maybe it’s the fact that my wife’s business is taking off better than she imagined and her workload is giving her stress beyond anything imaginable, and that is making her lash out at me. I’m proud of where she’s come in the short time since she decided not to look for another company and person to work for and go it on her own. But with her stress levels as they are, and the strain it puts on our relationship, there are times when I just can’t deal with it myself.
Maybe it’s the fact that I have a reoccurring problem with both my feet which could be arthritis or plantar fasciitis (diagnosis from friends I might add) which causes me so much pain that most mornings I struggle to be on my feet for the first ten minutes of the day. I really want to get back into running and going to the gym, but mind over matter is not helping because I fear that somehow I’ll encourage permanent damage to my feet.
Sadly I’ve put on a little weight. I’m not fat by any means, but my stomach is not as flat as I would like it to be.
Maybe it’s the fact that no amount of coffee seems to allow me to be anything other than tired.
Birthdays often make us reflect on life. Birthdays, as we get older often make us feel down. But I’ve never really felt old before, just that I’m getting older.
Hopefully it will pass.
There’s heaps of positives today with over a hundred Facebook friends wishing me a happy birthday, and my dad, my best mate, another close friend and my boss calling me on the phone to wish me happy birthday in a more personal manner fitting to my relationship with those guys. I didn’t have to leave me bed to have my first coffee of the day thanks to the first born son, and my wife and kids gave me a grab bag filled with many fun gifts including The Force Awakens on DVD, some vegan friendly chocolate, a new shoulder bag that I really wanted.
Although I had recently viewed two new bags at our local luggage store and left the websites of the manufacturers open on my computer hoping my wife would notice them, the bag that she picked is not one that I saw in the shops myself, but one that I would have been equally happy to suggest if I had have seen it beforehand. As I opened all the sections to check it out, she justified the purchase of this one pointing out features, and most of those features were exactly what I was looking for. That impressed me to no end.
But all this hasn’t helped my headache. Lunch is now over and my belly is full, but I’m still feeling tired and like I have little to no energy today.
Maybe it’s time to start scheduling naps back into my day.
Have you started to feel old yet? If not, do you see a time and age when you think you’ll feel like I do this year?