If Pokémon GO Was Created By A Christian Organisation

We’ve come late to the Pokémon GO craze in our house, but we are onto big time at the moment. We’ve been out walking the streets trying to get a bit of exercise and fresh air in the morning, and I’m letting the boys play Pokémon GO under my supervision.

I don’t know a lot about the game. I know a bit; well enough that I probably need to know, but whilst I have no real interest in playing this myself I do get a kick out of hearing how excited the boys are about the game. The other day I heard our 8yo son telling our 5yo son about what he could see on the map in our immediate area.

“There’s Pokestops… and Pokegyms….”

Admittedly I chime out and try to enjoy the walk and love watching the boys being friends and playing nicely together. We’re lucky in the sense that our youngest prefers to watch his older brother play video games often commentating or “coaching” from the “sideline”.

This morning we left him to sleep in as yesterday morning things got way to tiring for him and I ended up carrying him the rest of the way home. Seriously, I know what you’re thinking… don’t say it.

We had probably walked about 900m by the time his legs were too tired
We had probably walked about 900m by the time his legs were too tired

After the extensive walk this morning covering way more kilometres than ever before, and as we headed back up the street that leads to our house my son piped up with this question;

“Dad, can we go to the church on Saturday morning? They have a Pokegym there…”

In our immediate area, within a one kilometre radius of our house are quite a few churches. I do live in the Bible-Belt of Sydney after all. We have churches of so many denominations, but the one that is closest to us is the Church of the Latter-Day Saints (LDS), a.k.a. the Mormons.

For some reason the makers of Pokémon GO chose parks and landmarks as Pokestops (where you pick up more Pokeballs, food and postions) and made churches, mosques and synagogues as markers on the map for Pokegyms where you can go to battle other Pokémon GO players. Now I’m not so sure that those religious leaders would be happy with their temples or places of worship being used as places to battle, but maybe they’re enjoying the traffic that the game is bringing to the front of their buildings.

In fact, looking at these photos, I know they are…

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And, seeing that I often see the parishioners of our local LDS walking the streets trying to drum up business and recruit members for their cult organisation, I wondered what it would have been like if they not only endorsed Pokémon GO, but created it.

So, what would it me like if the LDS created Pokémon GO?

Pokémon GO would be PokéMormon GOD

PokéMormon GOD works so well, it’s almost like a conspiracy theorist could claim that they ARE in fact behind this phenomenon.


Door Knocking

Door knocking to spread the Word of God would be part of the game play. And to spread the word about the game which, when downloading, would be your contribution to the Church of the Latter-Day Saints. Like many religious movements, money seems to be the thing that the leaders warn you about its evilness, whilst putting their own hands out for more of your hard earned.

Check out the Book of PokéMormon. The end is near, collecting more Pokeballs and trapping PokéMormons is your only hope of salvation.

Forget Pokeballs, You Need A PokeArk

My kid told me today he had about two dozen Squirtles, or something like that. But in PokéMormon GOD you would collect only two of every PokéMormon and all would need to fit inside a wooden boat.


PokéMormon would not evolve. Never, ever, ever.

From my research, and talking to my kid I discovered that Pichu is an Electric-type Pokémon introduced in Generation II. It evolves into Pikachu which in turn evolves into Raichu. In fact, all Pokémon evolve into other Pokémon. But not in PokéMormon. There is no such thing as evolution.

When God created the Earth he created ALL of God’s creatures then and there. Pichus and Pikachus and Raichus lived together in harmony in the Garden of Eden. It’s in the Good Book people.


Can you think of any other ways that PokéMormon GOD would be different from Pokémon GO?

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