Which Religion Would Be Best For Me To Join?

I’m looking for a good religion to join. Anyone have any suggestions?


I’d prefer one with less than 10 deities because I’m crap at remembering names.

Also, I need it to have less than eight commandments because I’m crap at remembering rules. I know George Carlin suggested we need only two, but that doesn’t seem enough.

I don’t want one that has stories that seem dodgy. I want one that is based on facts. Not like the alternative facts that Trump’s team are trying to sell, but real honest to goodness facts.

I’d prefer one that’s not hung up on just one book. It needs to have many books. The books don’t all need to be reference books, but if the religion has works of fiction in its collection, I don’t want them to be labelled as non-fiction.

I’m not really sure about joining one that knocks on people’s doors because that seems like a crap thing to do, especially if the people who live there already have their own religion or don’t need a religion in their lives. It seems a bit selfish to push my beliefs on others.

I don’t want one with dress regulations. Not for me. Not for my wife. And not for the kids. It can’t be one that tells me I have to wear my hair a certain way, or grow a certain type of beard (I struggle to grow a proper beard so I’m putting up with this poor excuse of facial pubic hair I seem to grow).

I’m happy for it to ask for donations for charity providing the money actually goes to charity and not to some political party pushing its agenda or to line the pockets of the religion’s hierarchy. And it definitely cannot spend the money on legal fees defending itself against lawsuits spawning from its history of doing wrong by people.

I prefer one that doesn’t dictate what you can and cannot eat. I’m already a vegan so I’ve taken all animal products off my plate, but it cannot be a religion that forbids me from downing a few coldies. And it’s probably best that the religion doesn’t try to tell me my favourite drop of red is the blood of some random dude.

The religion cannot oppress anyone. It shouldn’t be one that tells gays that they can’t marry. It can’t be one that bans medical procedures like abortion or the right for the terminally ill to die. It cannot suggest that women are lesser than men, nor that men are lesser than women. It should be one that promotes equality in every sense of the word.

I’m often working on my days off, on weekends when I travel for work, and after midday on Fridays (I know, I know, I should be knocking off early, but…) so none that say you cannot work on a certain day or at a certain time.

But having said that, it would be cool if it can have observances giving us days off to celebrate with our friends and family. The celebrations and days off don’t need to be about anything in particular. Simply celebrating a day off is enough of a reason to have a day off to celebrate.

It should probably suggest that we give gifts. Not something ridiculous that is way overpriced, especially at the time of year we give the gift, but something nice like a book, a tee, or some chocolate.

Decorating trees, putting up lights and eating chocolate MUST be part of the celebrations’ rituals though. And singing the same songs each year in a park with candles is also a must. And if it could allow buns that are eaten hot and decorated with crunchy crosses to be sold every day of the year, no matter the season, that would be cool too.

And lastly, unless I’ve missed out on something else it really needs or something it shouldn’t have, it needs to be 100% inclusive, no matter where you’re from, what you look like, what language you speak, which gender you feel comfortable being whether you were born that way or not, or even who your favourite sports-person, musicians or actors are.

So, yeah, any suggestions would really be appreciated.

One thought on “Which Religion Would Be Best For Me To Join?

  1. Darrell, with all that you’ve said in this post, it looks like your best option is to invent one. Hey, you could even include a Star Wars element in it!

    I did notice a lot of what you were wanting tied in well with Christianity. The caveat is that you’d have to align yourself with the matching “flavour” or denomination.

    I did find this post a particularly interesting read. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

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